1
00:01:37,360 --> 00:01:41,219
It says in this week's quiz there are 19
different second names for English

2
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:42,159
football teams.

3
00:01:42,160 --> 00:01:43,210
I hate all that.

4
00:01:43,211 --> 00:01:46,799
Look, we'll just get a newspaper or a
football yearbook or something.

5
00:01:46,800 --> 00:01:49,379
They don't have newspapers yet. Right,
where are we?

6
00:01:49,380 --> 00:01:50,620
The 11th century.

7
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:03,570
All right, lads?

8
00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:06,010
Yeah, where's the body? In the stone
chamber.

9
00:02:06,020 --> 00:02:07,070
Here, Louis.

10
00:02:07,200 --> 00:02:08,250
Yeah?

11
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,979
Did you get All Socks Memo? Oh, yeah.

12
00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:12,450
How many you got?

13
00:02:12,580 --> 00:02:14,780
Three. Town, City, United.

14
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:17,380
Three? Is that all?

15
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:19,180
Well, we've only just started.

16
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:21,820
I've got eight just standing here.

17
00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,290
What eight you got?

18
00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:25,560
I ain't telling you.

19
00:02:25,920 --> 00:02:27,180
You philistine.

20
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:33,690
Nineteen. Yeah.

21
00:02:33,830 --> 00:02:39,549
According to Allstop's memo, there are
19 second names of football teams in the

22
00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:40,329
English league.

23
00:02:40,330 --> 00:02:42,230
Not including non -league? Yes. Right.

24
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:45,430
City, town, united, county.

25
00:02:45,910 --> 00:02:46,960
Good. Four.

26
00:02:47,010 --> 00:02:49,840
Four. Well, write them down then. I'm
going to. I'm going to.

27
00:02:53,650 --> 00:02:55,450
So, what's the cause of death?

28
00:02:56,230 --> 00:03:01,050
Well, my doctor, but I think the knife
might have something to do with it.

29
00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,700
So, how many you got?

30
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:06,970
Eleven.

31
00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:08,410
What about you?

32
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,480
Four. We've got town, city, united.

33
00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,860
Classified information.

34
00:03:22,780 --> 00:03:25,200
I know the grass is wet.

35
00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,400
Yes, I've told the king about me piles.

36
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,940
Well, I just have to make sure when I
die I land on me front, all right?

37
00:03:33,890 --> 00:03:35,330
Billy! Billy!

38
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,950
Oh, Dr Death!

39
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:40,369
Oh, you'll be right at home here amongst
the blunt, rusty blades and dead

40
00:03:40,370 --> 00:03:41,990
bodies. Oh, do be quiet, Louis.

41
00:03:41,991 --> 00:03:46,349
I brought the initial forensic report.
Single stab wound, massive hemorrhaging,

42
00:03:46,350 --> 00:03:48,550
double -edged ornamental Saxon dagger.

43
00:03:49,550 --> 00:03:50,870
So, how many you got?

44
00:03:51,470 --> 00:03:52,890
How many what have I got?

45
00:03:52,891 --> 00:03:55,829
Second names of football teams in the
English League.

46
00:03:55,830 --> 00:04:00,039
Oh, Louis, do you really think that
Derek Allsob's... pathetic little trivia

47
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,939
quizzes are worthy of the attention of a
man in my position?

48
00:04:02,940 --> 00:04:03,919
No, what's this then?

49
00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:04,970
He's got five.

50
00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:08,820
He's a doctor. Can't read his
handwriting.

51
00:04:09,180 --> 00:04:10,740
Allsop's got a lot to answer for.

52
00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:14,259
You don't have to read his memos, you
know. I glanced at it on the notice

53
00:04:14,260 --> 00:04:16,039
and it's been driving me mad ever since.

54
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:17,540
Did you try his quiz last week?

55
00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:20,160
What? English teams with an X in their
name?

56
00:04:20,161 --> 00:04:24,009
Hey, we got that one in three days.
Well, I was halfway through scraping out

57
00:04:24,010 --> 00:04:28,089
old brain pan and suddenly it came to me
and I screamed Halifax at the top of my

58
00:04:28,090 --> 00:04:29,140
voice.

59
00:04:29,141 --> 00:04:32,729
I had to explain to the lab assistant
that I'd forgotten to pay my mortgage.

60
00:04:32,730 --> 00:04:36,690
Well, we reckon we'll have this one all
wrapped up by the end of play today,

61
00:04:36,691 --> 00:04:40,069
don't we, brother? Oh, by the way, your
eyewitness is waiting to speak to you.

62
00:04:40,070 --> 00:04:41,870
He's in the tent near the portcullis.

63
00:04:53,681 --> 00:04:55,449
Good morning.

64
00:04:55,450 --> 00:04:57,930
I'm DC Briggs. That's DC Louis.

65
00:04:58,770 --> 00:04:59,820
And you are?

66
00:05:00,130 --> 00:05:01,180
William.

67
00:05:01,181 --> 00:05:02,769
William what?

68
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:03,820
The Conqueror.

69
00:05:05,310 --> 00:05:06,610
Oh, sorry. Keith.

70
00:05:06,611 --> 00:05:07,629
Keith Hall.

71
00:05:07,630 --> 00:05:09,070
Was it you who found the body?

72
00:05:09,130 --> 00:05:10,180
No, no, no. It was him.

73
00:05:12,710 --> 00:05:13,760
Who are you?

74
00:05:15,390 --> 00:05:17,550
Me? Oh, I'm a Norman.

75
00:05:18,090 --> 00:05:19,140
Norman?

76
00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:20,920
Norman Soldier.

77
00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:29,680
So. So, did you find the body?

78
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:31,820
Well, it found me.

79
00:05:31,821 --> 00:05:33,239
Did you see who did it?

80
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:34,380
No, I didn't see a thing.

81
00:05:34,381 --> 00:05:35,319
Oh, yeah.

82
00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:37,400
I wasn't wearing my glasses, you see.

83
00:05:37,401 --> 00:05:39,839
Glasses aren't allowed on the
battlefield.

84
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:40,779
What time was this?

85
00:05:40,780 --> 00:05:41,830
I don't know.

86
00:05:42,680 --> 00:05:44,240
Watches aren't allowed either.

87
00:05:44,531 --> 00:05:46,619
Funny thing, though.

88
00:05:46,620 --> 00:05:47,619
Hang on.

89
00:05:47,620 --> 00:05:49,240
Have you written down Port Vale?

90
00:05:49,241 --> 00:05:50,339
Oh, I nearly forgot.

91
00:05:50,340 --> 00:05:53,420
I just opened one eye and I could see
just up his kilt, see.

92
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,680
And I swear he was wearing pants.

93
00:05:57,500 --> 00:05:58,550
Underpants.

94
00:05:58,800 --> 00:05:59,850
Waifuns, they were.

95
00:05:59,920 --> 00:06:00,970
Purple.

96
00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:03,590
Well, that narrows it down a bit. Could
be anybody.

97
00:06:04,220 --> 00:06:05,270
Except Sharon Stone.

98
00:06:05,271 --> 00:06:08,699
No, but you see, we're not allowed to
wear pants, either.

99
00:06:08,700 --> 00:06:09,900
Pants weren't invented.

100
00:06:10,000 --> 00:06:11,200
He was cheating, he was.

101
00:06:12,500 --> 00:06:18,819
Hang on. So everybody on the
battlefield, apart from the killer,

102
00:06:18,820 --> 00:06:20,380
coat, no knickers?

103
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,030
You could be blackballed for wearing
pants.

104
00:06:23,820 --> 00:06:27,070
I think we stand a fair chance of being
blackballed without them.

105
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:29,370
OK.

106
00:06:29,371 --> 00:06:32,979
What's going on here? I wondered when
you were going to turn up. Oh, yes,

107
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:36,739
I've been outside drilling my Danish
pipe carriers, actually. Oh, really?

108
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:40,299
one of your Saxons has actually really
killed one of my Normans. How do you

109
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:43,019
it was one of my Saxons? Of course it
was one of your Saxons. Oh, yes, I tried

110
00:06:43,020 --> 00:06:45,839
the first thing that goes wrong. Blame
the bloody Saxons. I mean, like last

111
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,759
year, when that chip man went on fire.
That was a Saxon. I thought we both

112
00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:52,050
eventually agreed that was a Viking. Oh,
yeah.

113
00:06:52,320 --> 00:06:53,880
Here. Get off!

114
00:06:54,300 --> 00:07:00,700
You French twerp! All right, then. Come
on! Calm down!

115
00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:04,350
You could have someone's eye out with
that, you know.

116
00:07:06,280 --> 00:07:08,450
Riggs, Louis, how are things going,
then?

117
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:12,539
Oh, well, so far, sir, we could have the
King of the Saxons and William the

118
00:07:12,540 --> 00:07:15,730
Conqueror for threatening behaviour with
offensive weapons.

119
00:07:15,731 --> 00:07:19,079
We've got a bloke called Norman who
claims he didn't see anything.

120
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,320
Uh, my name's Bruce, and...

121
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:23,500
Can I have my game boy back, please?

122
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,280
Do you have any ideas who did the
murder?

123
00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:30,200
Bloody long -haired Saxon hippie.

124
00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:34,440
What's the matter with you people?

125
00:07:34,441 --> 00:07:37,739
There's families out there who come for
a day out. They haven't come to see you

126
00:07:37,740 --> 00:07:38,790
lot fighting.

127
00:07:40,780 --> 00:07:42,640
Well, they have, actually.

128
00:07:44,020 --> 00:07:49,780
Come on, Nicky, mister.

129
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:52,930
Dagger, sword, helmet. Three months
minimum.

130
00:07:53,780 --> 00:07:55,100
Do you have a description?

131
00:07:55,520 --> 00:07:56,570
Underpants, sir.

132
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:58,210
What?

133
00:07:58,580 --> 00:08:01,220
A killer is a purple underpants man,
sir.

134
00:08:01,900 --> 00:08:02,950
You know the type.

135
00:08:03,360 --> 00:08:07,090
Probably drives a Cavalier, badminton on
Wednesdays, that sort of thing.

136
00:08:07,180 --> 00:08:08,230
What do you suggest?

137
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:13,099
Well, we could line up the entire Saxon
and Norman armies and get them to lift

138
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:14,150
their kilts.

139
00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:17,620
But if you do that, you might take them
off.

140
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:18,970
He's right.

141
00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:22,530
I think we'd better keep his underpants
under our hats for now.

142
00:08:24,460 --> 00:08:25,780
How many men are out there?

143
00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:30,619
There's 500 good soldiers out there,
plus assorted camp followers, a dozen

144
00:08:30,620 --> 00:08:34,120
serfs, six or seven lepers, and a
marquee full of French prostitutes.

145
00:08:36,780 --> 00:08:39,970
It's the wives of the lads taking part.
They make the sandwiches.

146
00:08:40,360 --> 00:08:44,339
Right, Fritz, Louis, you talk to the
Saxons and Normans. I'll handle the

147
00:08:44,340 --> 00:08:45,390
prostitutes.

148
00:08:46,740 --> 00:08:50,230
Would you like me to have a word with
the stewards in the Park Rangers?

149
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,880
Great Park Rangers!

150
00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:53,510
That's brilliant.

151
00:08:55,680 --> 00:09:01,939
Now, some of you may already have heard
that around three o 'clock, Peter

152
00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:03,580
Stafford was murdered.

153
00:09:04,260 --> 00:09:05,310
Here.

154
00:09:05,620 --> 00:09:10,319
And all of you were taking part in the
battle in this area at the north end of

155
00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,359
the battlefield.

156
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:12,410
North end?

157
00:09:13,540 --> 00:09:14,700
Preston North End?

158
00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,050
Yes!

159
00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:27,180
As I was saying. At the north end of the
battlefield, close to this small wood.

160
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,280
Forest. What?

161
00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:30,850
Nottingham Forest.

162
00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:34,460
Brilliant. Eight.

163
00:09:35,880 --> 00:09:36,930
Excuse me.

164
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,560
What's Nottingham got to do with it?

165
00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:42,700
Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

166
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:45,250
Nothing at all.

167
00:09:45,660 --> 00:09:46,710
Right.

168
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:55,779
It seems highly likely that this murder
may just be a case of someone getting a

169
00:09:55,780 --> 00:09:58,520
bit carried away by the drama of the
occasion.

170
00:09:59,860 --> 00:10:03,960
So, we can do this the easy way, or we
can do it the hard way.

171
00:10:04,260 --> 00:10:05,310
Can't we, Bob?

172
00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:08,750
Can't we, Bob?

173
00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:11,530
Lake Norient.

174
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,030
Exactly.

175
00:10:14,720 --> 00:10:15,770
Lake Norient.

176
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:17,730
That night.

177
00:10:18,640 --> 00:10:21,380
And that is my point exactly.

178
00:10:22,060 --> 00:10:27,579
The old late Norient, Nottingham Forest,
Preston North End set of circumstances

179
00:10:27,580 --> 00:10:30,240
that adds up to one thing.

180
00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:33,280
So, come on.

181
00:10:33,660 --> 00:10:35,020
Who wants to confess?

182
00:10:37,180 --> 00:10:38,230
Accrington Stanley.

183
00:10:38,640 --> 00:10:40,480
That's non -ly. I'm done.

184
00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:45,360
What is it exactly that you're getting
at?

185
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:50,490
We want the person who got carried away
this afternoon to confess.

186
00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:53,070
Well, how do you know it was one of us
lot?

187
00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:54,170
It could be anybody.

188
00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:55,840
It could be a steward.

189
00:10:56,520 --> 00:10:58,280
Or one of those park rangers.

190
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:03,880
We've got Queen's Park Rangers. What do
you think, we're stupid or something?

191
00:11:05,140 --> 00:11:07,340
This is hopeless.

192
00:11:14,920 --> 00:11:18,240
Oh. Did any of you know Peter Stafford
to talk to?

193
00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:24,359
What I mean is, do any of you know why
someone would want to kill him? Did he

194
00:11:24,360 --> 00:11:25,410
have any enemies?

195
00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:30,570
Four more, sir.

196
00:11:31,040 --> 00:11:32,090
Four more what?

197
00:11:32,180 --> 00:11:35,010
Four more possible lines of inquiry,
sir. Oh, good, good.

198
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:41,530
So none of you knew anything about Peter
Stafford at all?

199
00:11:41,531 --> 00:11:46,139
Oh, well, if no -one else has got the
courage to say anything, I will.

200
00:11:46,140 --> 00:11:51,339
Like the fact is, Superintendent, Peter
Stafford had slept with half the women

201
00:11:51,340 --> 00:11:52,390
in his tent.

202
00:11:53,060 --> 00:11:54,680
He'd find out eventually anyhow.

203
00:11:54,681 --> 00:11:58,859
Like the fact is, Superintendent, Peter
had no interest in history whatsoever.

204
00:11:58,860 --> 00:12:01,420
He only came to these recreations for
one reason.

205
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:04,739
While the rest of the men were out
fighting, he was creeping around the

206
00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,140
tent seducing their wives.

207
00:12:07,040 --> 00:12:08,090
Is this true?

208
00:12:11,220 --> 00:12:15,100
So... How many of you had the pleasure
of his company?

209
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,940
Pleasure? One.

210
00:12:17,680 --> 00:12:18,730
Anyone else?

211
00:12:20,540 --> 00:12:23,000
Come on, come on, this is a serious
matter.

212
00:12:23,740 --> 00:12:28,020
You did, I know you did.

213
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,860
It seems he was a bit of a wanderer.

214
00:12:45,240 --> 00:12:47,760
He was the original wild rover,
superintendent.

215
00:12:49,900 --> 00:12:52,860
From the looks of things, he must have
been very athletic.

216
00:12:53,780 --> 00:12:54,830
Yeah!

217
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,720
We've got wanderers. And athletic.

218
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,250
Brilliant. You got something there,
lads?

219
00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:03,690
No, nothing at all.

220
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:05,480
What's this? List of suspects?

221
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:07,490
City,

222
00:13:10,780 --> 00:13:12,500
town, county, rovers.

223
00:13:12,910 --> 00:13:13,960
And what's this one?

224
00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:17,140
St Johnston's, sir. It's Scottish. We
had to cross it out.

225
00:13:17,141 --> 00:13:21,969
You know, for one glorious moment there,
I thought you were putting all that

226
00:13:21,970 --> 00:13:26,129
effort and enthusiasm into solving the
crime, instead of which you're doing one

227
00:13:26,130 --> 00:13:29,450
of Detective Cunt of Allsop's pathetic
football trivia quizzes.

228
00:13:29,690 --> 00:13:32,520
He's got you on it as well, I think.
Never mind that, Louis.

229
00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:34,370
You disappoint me, you two.

230
00:13:35,790 --> 00:13:36,890
A man is dead.

231
00:13:37,930 --> 00:13:41,710
Sorry, sir. A human life has been...
Now, we have suspects, we have motive.

232
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:46,839
We have the full panoply of human
emotion spread out before us. And you

233
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:50,100
trying to remember the 18 last names of
English football teams.

234
00:13:51,460 --> 00:13:52,510
19, sir.

235
00:13:53,820 --> 00:13:56,140
What's that, Lou? There are 19, sir.

236
00:13:57,920 --> 00:14:02,000
19? I thought there were only 18. No,
no, no, there are definitely 19.

237
00:14:02,420 --> 00:14:04,980
Sir? The chief superintendent here.

238
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,290
Sir?

239
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,450
19.

240
00:14:31,099 --> 00:14:33,780
Ninety. So, lads, what have you got?

241
00:14:33,781 --> 00:14:35,919
Well, the motive looks like jealousy,
sir.

242
00:14:35,920 --> 00:14:38,100
Apparently the dead man was a bit of
a... Rover.

243
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:39,880
Wanderer. Very athletic.

244
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:41,480
Why Warren the Panther?

245
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,079
Probably needed all the support he could
get.

246
00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,540
Like Charlton.

247
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,300
Millwall. Brighton.

248
00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:50,880
Albion! Albion!

249
00:14:50,881 --> 00:14:52,499
Sucker down!

250
00:14:52,500 --> 00:14:54,020
What do you want about it?

251
00:14:54,021 --> 00:14:56,899
He slept with a lot of the other men's
wives, sir. The men in the historical

252
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:57,950
society.

253
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:02,900
That was probably one of them who...
Have you three been drinking?

254
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:03,999
No, sir.

255
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:05,050
Right.

256
00:15:05,051 --> 00:15:08,999
Well, what's your M .O.? I thought I'd
conduct a few interviews in the incident

257
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:11,799
room and Briggs and Louis here could do
a bit of digging undercover.

258
00:15:11,800 --> 00:15:12,920
Lift a few kilts.

259
00:15:15,980 --> 00:15:17,030
OK, Frank.

260
00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:19,100
But I want to see results, quickly.

261
00:15:19,101 --> 00:15:20,009
Yes, sir.

262
00:15:20,010 --> 00:15:21,810
It will require your full attention.

263
00:15:21,811 --> 00:15:22,749
Yes, sir.

264
00:15:22,750 --> 00:15:24,070
You've got till Wednesday.

265
00:15:24,870 --> 00:15:26,010
Sheffield Wednesday!

266
00:15:29,250 --> 00:15:33,550
What about if we did it area by area?
Started in the north -east, worked out.

267
00:15:33,950 --> 00:15:35,010
I've tried that.

268
00:15:39,290 --> 00:15:40,340
Oh, dear.

269
00:15:45,790 --> 00:15:46,840
Wickham Wanderer.

270
00:15:47,890 --> 00:15:53,729
Ah, now we've got wondrous. So, what
think ye of the battle on the morrow?

271
00:15:53,730 --> 00:15:56,260
ye that we will triumph over the Saxon
pretender?

272
00:15:58,210 --> 00:16:02,270
If you mean are we going to win, then I
have to say yes, we will.

273
00:16:02,970 --> 00:16:04,190
I've read the tapestry.

274
00:16:05,290 --> 00:16:09,410
You mean it, Sir Knight. It will be one
in the eye for Harold, eh?

275
00:16:12,850 --> 00:16:14,670
Surely you've heard that gag before.

276
00:16:15,430 --> 00:16:16,910
Speaking of jokes...

277
00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:23,010
It is time that I did make merriment to
ease our fears of battle. Sing, dance,

278
00:16:23,190 --> 00:16:25,070
make of myself a vault.

279
00:16:29,950 --> 00:16:36,869
I shall play thee a pretty song to
gladden your heart on this battle

280
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:41,190
eve. A song first performed a thousand
years ago.

281
00:16:41,490 --> 00:16:43,690
Good. I like Cliff Richard.

282
00:16:49,540 --> 00:16:56,079
As I strolled out this lovely morn With
a

283
00:16:56,080 --> 00:17:03,019
quip and a quack and a fiddle dee dee I
saw a

284
00:17:03,020 --> 00:17:05,700
young maiden under the...

285
00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:20,600
I hate it when people don't join in.

286
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,180
Spritzer for me.

287
00:18:10,470 --> 00:18:11,890
Point of lager and lime.

288
00:18:12,390 --> 00:18:15,770
Spritzer, lager and lime, and some prawn
-flavoured crisps.

289
00:18:16,450 --> 00:18:20,190
One spritzer, one lager and lime.

290
00:18:21,041 --> 00:18:22,649
Not

291
00:18:22,650 --> 00:18:29,749
exactly

292
00:18:29,750 --> 00:18:31,870
junior master chef, is it, Dave?

293
00:18:33,170 --> 00:18:34,220
Thank you.

294
00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:38,850
Ah, cheers.

295
00:18:40,100 --> 00:18:41,500
Oh, I could kill all of them.

296
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:43,210
How many more?

297
00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:44,920
We need another five.

298
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,440
You see, the thing to do is not to think
about it.

299
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,240
Use like the Buddhist approach.

300
00:18:51,241 --> 00:18:54,359
And they're good at football quizzes,
are they?

301
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:55,399
The Buddha?

302
00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:59,019
No, what I mean is the more we try, the
worse it is. What we need is something

303
00:18:59,020 --> 00:19:00,160
to take our minds off it.

304
00:19:01,020 --> 00:19:02,360
We could try some work.

305
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:05,010
Go on, then.

306
00:19:15,320 --> 00:19:16,370
Finish boys.

307
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,040
How's it going, big boy?

308
00:19:43,120 --> 00:19:45,260
I don't think I can stand any more of
this.

309
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:51,420
Excuse me, I don't suppose you know of a
bloke in here wearing underpants?

310
00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,330
Underpants?

311
00:19:54,680 --> 00:19:55,730
Underpants?

312
00:19:55,900 --> 00:20:00,159
What the hell, that's a foolery, isn't
it? We know not of such a garment, nor

313
00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:04,320
never would we confine us grottics with
a devil's hosiery.

314
00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:29,269
from our land in the Orient to the
King's Crystal Palace. And we are now

315
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:32,810
against the forces of Albion!

316
00:20:33,910 --> 00:20:35,130
One more!

317
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:42,710
Eighteen. We've got eighteen.

318
00:20:42,930 --> 00:20:45,390
One more to go and we'll have it. Shh!

319
00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:50,670
What's that word?

320
00:20:51,410 --> 00:20:52,630
I went...

321
00:20:53,350 --> 00:20:55,090
Something on the tip of your tongue.

322
00:20:55,091 --> 00:20:56,309
Oh, hang on.

323
00:20:56,310 --> 00:20:57,690
No, no, no, no. There's a word.

324
00:20:57,930 --> 00:20:59,470
What is it? I nearly had it.

325
00:20:59,990 --> 00:21:03,600
Look, Dave, we've got enough on our
plate without worrying about other

326
00:21:04,250 --> 00:21:05,300
You're right.

327
00:21:05,950 --> 00:21:07,610
Look, we're busy. Bog off.

328
00:21:09,610 --> 00:21:12,670
Hello, sir.

329
00:21:14,630 --> 00:21:15,680
Oh, lads.

330
00:21:16,210 --> 00:21:17,260
How's it going?

331
00:21:17,890 --> 00:21:19,150
Oh, you know...

332
00:21:19,560 --> 00:21:24,139
Not as pleasurable and varied as a day
spent looking up middle -aged men's

333
00:21:24,140 --> 00:21:25,190
possibly can be.

334
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:28,920
And even if we see anything, it'll only
be circumstantial.

335
00:21:29,340 --> 00:21:30,800
Seen a few of them today, sir.

336
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,780
So, we've just got to keep looking.

337
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:37,510
Plough on.

338
00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:40,890
Minds on our work.

339
00:21:42,640 --> 00:21:46,620
Applying ourselves fully to the task.
Good. Great. Lovely.

340
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:50,930
Oh, for God's sake, lads, I can't stand
it anymore.

341
00:21:52,660 --> 00:21:56,480
How many have you got now, sir?

342
00:21:58,520 --> 00:21:59,570
Eighteen.

343
00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:01,630
Same as us.

344
00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:10,339
Sir, we'll show you ours if you show us

345
00:22:10,340 --> 00:22:11,390
yours.

346
00:22:19,980 --> 00:22:21,300
We're missing the same one.

347
00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:24,680
Just one more.

348
00:22:25,340 --> 00:22:26,390
Just one.

349
00:22:26,391 --> 00:22:31,179
This is the difficult bit, sir. Oh, for
God's sake, Louis, don't you think I

350
00:22:31,180 --> 00:22:32,230
know that?

351
00:22:32,240 --> 00:22:33,660
Calm down, sir.

352
00:22:37,060 --> 00:22:38,110
Sorry.

353
00:22:40,660 --> 00:22:41,820
How about our killer?

354
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:43,810
Hmm?

355
00:22:44,420 --> 00:22:45,470
The murderer.

356
00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:49,510
I've decided to continue the search
tomorrow.

357
00:22:49,680 --> 00:22:50,730
During the battle.

358
00:22:51,100 --> 00:22:52,150
Good idea.

359
00:22:53,340 --> 00:22:55,540
And I've requested reinforcements.

360
00:22:57,700 --> 00:23:00,960
It's a perfectly reasonable request. We
could use another man.

361
00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:02,650
Yeah, yeah.

362
00:23:02,700 --> 00:23:06,520
You don't understand.

363
00:23:08,200 --> 00:23:10,520
I've asked them to send me Alsop.

364
00:23:12,100 --> 00:23:14,180
Alsop? Come in here.

365
00:23:14,580 --> 00:23:15,630
I'm his boss.

366
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:17,700
Why can't I send for him?

367
00:23:18,500 --> 00:23:22,210
And... You will make him tell us, won't
you, sir?

368
00:23:22,450 --> 00:23:24,230
By God, he'll tell us.

369
00:23:31,970 --> 00:23:33,730
Sir, sir, I think this is him now.

370
00:23:35,481 --> 00:23:40,029
I understand you're picking up the bill,
sir.

371
00:23:40,030 --> 00:23:41,450
It's £19 .95.

372
00:23:42,190 --> 00:23:44,630
Keep the change.

373
00:23:45,510 --> 00:23:46,590
Good to see you, Derek.

374
00:23:47,290 --> 00:23:49,150
What's all the fuss about? I was in bed.

375
00:23:49,290 --> 00:23:50,340
we need you all for.

376
00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:52,570
Badly. Oh, yeah.

377
00:23:53,890 --> 00:23:55,810
It's a good one this week, isn't it, eh?

378
00:23:57,490 --> 00:23:59,050
What do you think of the outfit?

379
00:23:59,051 --> 00:24:02,829
Well, it's what you said, isn't it, sir?

380
00:24:02,830 --> 00:24:04,090
Come dressed as a doorman.

381
00:24:06,170 --> 00:24:08,910
Actually, I said come dressed as a
Norman.

382
00:24:11,710 --> 00:24:12,790
But it doesn't matter.

383
00:24:13,830 --> 00:24:15,650
My fault, Derek. Got a bit of a cold.

384
00:24:15,651 --> 00:24:21,779
The man we're after is wearing purple Y
-fronts. Where did this murder happen,

385
00:24:21,780 --> 00:24:24,139
sir? It happened on the north end of the
battlefield.

386
00:24:24,140 --> 00:24:25,400
Oh, you got that one, then.

387
00:24:25,780 --> 00:24:26,920
Hellish! Tell you what.

388
00:24:27,180 --> 00:24:30,360
For God's sake, Alsop, you know what
this is about.

389
00:24:30,361 --> 00:24:34,339
Eighteen. We've got eighteen. One more
and we can have a decent night's sleep.

390
00:24:34,340 --> 00:24:35,440
So come on, what is it?

391
00:24:35,441 --> 00:24:37,779
Oh, you mean the quiz? Yes, the sodding
quiz.

392
00:24:37,780 --> 00:24:38,830
Only a bit of fun.

393
00:24:39,020 --> 00:24:41,360
Fun? You call this fun?

394
00:24:41,361 --> 00:24:45,719
I thought England players ending in O
was bad enough, but this is mental

395
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:49,499
torture. All right, all right, all
right. Come on, out with it. Well, you

396
00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:50,550
Palace? Yes.

397
00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:51,850
County? Yes.

398
00:24:52,020 --> 00:24:53,070
Town? Yes.

399
00:24:53,380 --> 00:24:54,430
Rovers? Yes.

400
00:24:55,080 --> 00:24:57,960
Albion? Yes. West Brom and Brighton and
Hove?

401
00:24:58,980 --> 00:25:00,560
Argyle! We've got Argyle!

402
00:25:01,580 --> 00:25:03,540
I bet I know the one you haven't got.

403
00:25:12,620 --> 00:25:13,670
Hey, Portsmouth.

404
00:25:14,600 --> 00:25:15,650
Here, look.

405
00:25:17,060 --> 00:25:20,020
We swear to you, sir, we're going to
kill that old chap.

406
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:24,920
Not just pretend kill him, but really
properly kill him. Now, calm down.

407
00:25:24,921 --> 00:25:28,539
We've got an arrest to make, for God's
sake. You're blowing this thing up out

408
00:25:28,540 --> 00:25:29,590
all proportion.

409
00:25:30,060 --> 00:25:33,440
Anyway, we'll never find out.

410
00:25:33,700 --> 00:25:35,500
All right, then, I'll give you a clue.

411
00:25:35,600 --> 00:25:36,880
Not Premier League.

412
00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:39,420
This is rather jolly. Come on, then.

413
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:40,970
Off to work.

414
00:26:20,810 --> 00:26:21,860
Hey, Dave!

415
00:26:22,010 --> 00:26:23,270
Dave, come and look at me!

416
00:26:23,570 --> 00:26:24,620
Dave?

417
00:26:33,430 --> 00:26:34,480
Hey!

418
00:26:43,110 --> 00:26:44,160
Oh, no!

419
00:27:02,060 --> 00:27:03,110
Is that a clue?

420
00:27:03,780 --> 00:27:05,080
With Garth and Villa?

421
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:06,370
And with them.

422
00:27:06,600 --> 00:27:07,650
His pants!

423
00:27:10,020 --> 00:27:11,380
They're not purple.

424
00:27:11,820 --> 00:27:13,300
They're barren blue.

425
00:27:22,940 --> 00:27:26,100
Well, lads, I think I tidied that one up
very nicely for you.

426
00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:29,900
Right. Tell us now.

427
00:27:31,639 --> 00:27:33,139
Hello, Chief Superintendent.

428
00:27:33,560 --> 00:27:35,080
Good work, all of you.

429
00:27:35,081 --> 00:27:36,499
Good colour.

430
00:27:36,500 --> 00:27:37,479
Thank you, sir.

431
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:40,220
Yes. Good to see you here, Alsop.

432
00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:44,220
Nice of you to let one of the older
officers have a chance at glory, Frank.

433
00:27:44,221 --> 00:27:45,739
Yes, sir.

434
00:27:45,740 --> 00:27:46,790
Yes, Alsop.

435
00:27:47,100 --> 00:27:51,999
You're part of a great team, one of the
gang, a really valuable member of the

436
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:53,049
crew.

437
00:27:53,050 --> 00:27:57,600
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